How do you get to the top of Google rankings in 30 minutes?

David Baddiel: top of the Google rankings
Polishing a turdy underlay: David Baddiel (pic credit: Amnesty International)

If you’ve spent any time at all building a website, you’ll know that half the battle is getting Google to rank you at the top of its listings for specific search terms. We’ve spent Christ knows how many hours trying to do it on this website alone. And yet, last night, I played a walk-on part in the comedian David Baddiel getting to the top of Google rankings within HALF AN HOUR. And he wasn’t even trying…

Now, admittedly, the term David owns isn’t a particularly flattering or lucrative one. His agent hasn’t rung him this morning, telling him they’ve added another couple of noughts to his latest book’s royalty cheque. Instead, I present to you the king of the “turdy underlay”.

Top of the Google rankings

Here’s how it happened…

In a startlingly rare moment of generosity, I yesterday tweeted my appreciation for Baddiel’s new Radio 4 show/podcast, David Baddiel Tries to Understand.

It being Twitter, troublemakers soon get involved:

And soon Baddiel was also remarking on the unintentional backhand slight that I’d paid his podcast:

I’m alerted to this by my phone pinging like a US submarine on a tour of duty around North Korea. People literally like this shit. And it gets me thinking. “Turdy underlay” must be a Googlewhack contender. That’s not a term that’s in common currency. I bet Baddiel, with his half a million followers, has enough clout to own this term with that single mention. So I search Google and bingo:

The good news for David’s reputation management team is that, according to Google Trends, the volume of searches for “turdy underlay” is roughly equivalent to that of “Bernard Manning sex tape”:

Google Trends

Still, if B&Q ever decide to bring out a range of turdy underlay, I want my cut…


About the author

Barry Collins

Barry has scribbled about tech for almost 20 years for The Sunday Times, PC Pro, WebUser, Which? and many others. He was once Deputy Editor of Mail Online and remains in therapy to this day. Email Barry at

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